Today I am grateful for forest school, to be able to be with alba outdoors, watching her learn and develop her confidence. I love seeing her start to make friends and talk to other kids.
Today I am grateful for this time now - sitting in a cold car waiting for Jasper's home ed session to finish. I am just about to bleed and the quiet and aloneness is so needed.
Today I am grateful for my developing acceptance of my body and how it is.
Today I am grateful for food that I made and froze last week. It made getting dinner in the table easier.
Today I am grateful for the work I have done in the last 6 years to grow my relationship with Jasper. I made a cake today, that failed in many ways, overflowed and stuck to its pan, too much icing, not enough cake, and we joked about it. He was able to make me laugh about it when I hadn't been able to before, when I'd been reactive with Sam about it. He's such a sweet boy.
Today I am grateful for a few minutes standing on the bridge watching the river on my way to the shop. After being in the house with alba all day the air felt fresh on my face and I'm my lungs. The sky far above me felt like freedom, and the river flowing fast below reminded me that things are always moving on. These endless afternoons of playing the same games again and again, putting dolls to bed and waking them up again, snacks and messy finger grabbing, clinging on, the eternal yowl of mum, mum, mum, will move on and end. I am thankful for that, and also thankful for their existence.
Now I am grateful for co-sleeping, for getting to hear my toddlers snuffly sleep noises, her sleep talking and heavy breathing, grateful for getting to feel her little body next to me, relaxed in sleep, pushed up against me, as she has been every night since she was born.
Now I am grateful for the small things I do for myself each day, brushing my teeth, meditating, drinking a slow cup of tea, singing in the car to my favourite cd, driving slower so I can see the view for longer.
Now I am grateful for wide open skies, with multi coloured clouds moving across, giving me a sense of openness, clarity and possibility.
Today I am grateful for my car, it can take me to far away places where I can see a far off horizon, and feel the wind on my face.
Today I am grateful for friendship, for committing to working on the twitchy stuff and coming out the other side. It feels so good to sit with someone and feel comfortable in the quiet (apart from babies playing).
Today I am grateful for crisps. For salty crunchiness in my mouth, satisfying destruction.
