visiting friends

we stagger up the hill. what was a group, walking closely, laughing and talking at the bottom of the hill slowly lengthens into a line of people, burdened with bags and instruments, puffing our way up. the first ones to the top knock on the door and wait, turning to look back round across the town, pointing out the stillness of the sea and the constantly changing reflection of the sun on the water. there is a moment of silent appreciation before the next few arrive, and then the door opens to warmth and smiles, beckoning hands and a multitude of greetings. i follow them all in, shutting the door behind me, making sure there are no stragglers. i feel safe in this house, full of friends and light and laughter. the hall is empty, coats are hung haphazardly on the bannister, there are paper chains hanging from the ceiling, left over from a party weeks ago. i look up and smile, remembering how long it took us to make them. i walk past the front room and peek in, unusually it is empty, tv off, no smoky haze and people chatting. i carry on down the passage towards the kitchen until i hear a jumble of voices, and go out the back door to see a table around which is squeezed all the people i love. candles light the scene, the sun is slowly sinking behind the building and the sliver of sea i can see is brilliant pink and purple. down the end of the garden the hens have been locked in for the night and amy proudly points out to me the tyres full of flowers and the empty pots just waiting to be full. we sit and talk, drink tea and play cards, songs are started, sometimes finnished or drowned out with gales of laughter. the light goes slowly and we huddle together as it gets colder. people lend jumpers and scarves, borrow blankets and hats, until we are all wrapped up, wrapped together, feet all under one blanket under the table, blankets slipping and being pulled around warm shoulders pressed together to keep the world out. laughter is our language, it echoes between the high walls of the house, bouncing up into the clear air and spiraling up to join the clouds which shield the sun, turning the sky from light blue to dusky pink to purple right to the darkest black which is creeping in behind our heads.

friends are the family we get to choose.

we are dancing; three girls, one small with curly hair bouncing, one blonde shining brightly, and me. arms swooping and soaring like birds fluttering round each other, as feet move and jump; there is no music but we are surrounded by sun and light and happiness and that is all we need, we dance to the beat of our hearts, the pulse of love flowing between us. can you feel the crackle in the air? the electricity flowing between us? we are in our own world, where nothing can touch us, in this moment we are goddesses, luminescent with love.
we are on a track on the side of a mountain, on one side steeply reaching ever upwards is thick forest and woods, from which cracking and rustling can be heard as another of our group explores and wanders, on the other side a sheer edge of rock and slate falls downwards, on the edge of which is sitting the final member of our family, half watching us with a smile on his face, and half looking away down the valley. all i can see is green and alive, moving with the wind, breathing, if you watch closely. we are free from everything, from uni, work, money, all the bad and all the good things in our lives, and there is just. us. i try to remember this exact feeling, try to think of words to describe it so that maybe i can capture just a few minutes how how good i felt, how free i felt, how connected to the others i felt, but even as i start to run through lists of words and images in my mind i know that what i am doing is hopeless, i am wasting my time, feelings like this were not made to be able to explained in words, to be related to images, and i let go and just be, sunlight streaming into my face, sliding up and down my arms and legs, as i dance and twirl and leap and my soul soars with happiness.

riding in cars

we are riding down slim narrow lanes, edged by trees and bushes and grass darting in through the windows, all 5 of us wedged into that tiny car which has seen so many adventures and been such a part of our lives. the sun is out and every window is open and our hair rushes from side to side and front and back along with the turns of the road and the wind through the windows. sometimes her hair is in my face and my eyes, sometimes his twines together with mine, brown and blonde and purple, loose and dreaded, til i am not sure where my hair begins and where theirs ends. the music surrounds me, takes us over, til we are all singing along, hearts in our mouths, on our outstretched hands, mine belongs to you and you and you and you, and i love you all and i wish this song would last for ever and ever, that this moment was all there was, for eternity. i could be happy with that, this moment of pure love, where all i am is love, where all we are is love incarnate, shining pure and bright, so brightly i cannot see anything beyond the insides of this car and your faces and god, i love you so much.