wish

i wish so much i could show you some of the joys of my life. it begins with waking up every morning in a field and poking my head out my tent door to check the weather before i get up. shuffling sleepily into the cafe to get tea from the already roaring urns, i am greeted by so many people with so much real concern. i love how gradually, we all congregate in a circle, some wandering in late, some having been brightly awake for hours, we sit and tell each other how we are, really, truly, deep inside. i hear them and they hear me and this is my beautiful, beautiful life.

every day i see things more and more clearly. every day i understand a little bit more about myself. everyday i am challenged in so many amazing, wonderful, beautiful ways, and everyday i rise to that challenge and grow with it. i have found another family, i have created another family, and i do not think that things could be any more beautiful or perfect than they are at this moment.

friends are the family we get to choose.

we are dancing; three girls, one small with curly hair bouncing, one blonde shining brightly, and me. arms swooping and soaring like birds fluttering round each other, as feet move and jump; there is no music but we are surrounded by sun and light and happiness and that is all we need, we dance to the beat of our hearts, the pulse of love flowing between us. can you feel the crackle in the air? the electricity flowing between us? we are in our own world, where nothing can touch us, in this moment we are goddesses, luminescent with love.
we are on a track on the side of a mountain, on one side steeply reaching ever upwards is thick forest and woods, from which cracking and rustling can be heard as another of our group explores and wanders, on the other side a sheer edge of rock and slate falls downwards, on the edge of which is sitting the final member of our family, half watching us with a smile on his face, and half looking away down the valley. all i can see is green and alive, moving with the wind, breathing, if you watch closely. we are free from everything, from uni, work, money, all the bad and all the good things in our lives, and there is just. us. i try to remember this exact feeling, try to think of words to describe it so that maybe i can capture just a few minutes how how good i felt, how free i felt, how connected to the others i felt, but even as i start to run through lists of words and images in my mind i know that what i am doing is hopeless, i am wasting my time, feelings like this were not made to be able to explained in words, to be related to images, and i let go and just be, sunlight streaming into my face, sliding up and down my arms and legs, as i dance and twirl and leap and my soul soars with happiness.